The Primal Wound

“If anyone had told me when we brought home our three day old daughter on Christmas Eve, 1969, that rearing an adoptive child would be different from rearing one’s own biological child, I, like many new and enthusiastic adoptive parents, would have laughed at them and said, “Of course it won’t be different. What can a tiny baby know? We will love her and give her a wonderful home.” My belief was that love would conquer all. What I discovered, however, was that it was easier for us to give her love than it was for her to accept it.”

“Many doctors and psychologists now understand that bonding doesn’t begin at birth, but is a continuum of physiological, psychological, and spiritual events which begin in utero and continue through out the post natal bonding period. When this natural evolution is interrupted by a post natal separation from the biological mother, the resultant experience of abandonment and loss is indelibly imprinted upon the unconscious minds of these children, causing that which I call the Primal Wound.”

Nancy Newton Verrier
Adoptive Mother and Author of the Primal Wound.

Just one of many facets, and a damn good point. I think each family and each person is different. I think sometimes it feels different for the adoptive parents as well, raising a child they did not conceive.

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