Yak Trainer/Stock Photographyical Artist/Basket Case

When my life is not tragic and excruciatingly painful it is hilarious. My therapist and I have a code word that I have promised to use if I ever have those thoughts and at that point we will send me away. I have already picked 0ut the place, it’s a little farther away than the nearby place. I don’t want to run into anyone I know. I have not packed for this trip. I am not one of those people who agonizes over packing for trips. I bring 2 pairs of jeans, 2 t-shirts, 2 long-sleeved shirts and a sweater. Oh, and clean underwear and socks. And cleanser and moisturizer. I always use the toothpaste in my host’s bathroom and I always need to buy a toothbrush.
But then sometimes my life is really great and most times it’s downright hilarious. But I don’t think I am bipolar; I think my life is. Whatever works to smooth over the lingerings of childhood. I missed not having a womb with a view to start this life journey and the experts say this is important so that explains a lot.

I have this thing for stock photography… Maybe you’ve noticed. Especially stock photography people. As a child I would look at faces in magazines. I cut out people I thought looked nice. I made whole family trees of magazine people. Never celebrities really, just the anonymous people in ads. I had a sister who lived in a kodak ad and my father lived in an ad for a fishing magazine. They loved me unconditionally. Oh, how we laughed! What good times we had. I kept them under my bed but they didn’t mind. They were easy going. They did not punish me and they liked that I had a sense of humor. I think I still have them somewhere.

Anyway, this explains why I illustrate all of my posts with stock photo people.

I found an old Dr. Seuss book where you fill in all this information about yourself called, “My Book About Me”. I drew in all of my teeth and in the space where you count them and write in the number I put that I had 44 teeth; my father used this as further evidence that I lied all the time. I called it imagination and poor mathematical skills. He called a lot of people liars including my teeny little beloved Aunt Silly. Their opinions differed so she is a liar.

I found this book when I visited my family ages agto (which is what I had been all the time I lived with them and doing since birth since I could not get platinum membership and join the clique) and they were having a yard sale. I found loads of my stuff on a table including this book. How fucked up is that? For 50 cents my book with all my little stories and handwriting was for sale. They wanted my shit gone and thought maybe they could get 50 cents in the process. One of these days I’ll write about the 20$ and the broken leg incident. This is why I need a code word. Well, not just this, but all of it.

whenigrowupI also use italics a lot because I have always felt like an italic. Precariously tipping to one side, over-emphatic, fanciful, desperate to get my point across, and so on.

In my Dr. Seuss book it has a page where you pick what you want to be when you grow up. Evidently I wanted to be everything which seems symbolic; evidently I was going to be an ‘Actriss’, Mother, Teacher(those two being an attempt to emulate my mother who I was crazy about), Dancer, TV Star, Dog Trainer, Millionaire, and Singer. And then there are all the other things I was going to be that I circled including Judge, Jockey, Jeweler, President (seriously? who would ever want that job?), Milkman (dating myself…), Accountant (can’t add, have numberphobia), Airplane Stewardess, Magician, Mayor, Sea Captain, Window Washer (I was a mixed up kid), Bus Driver, Camel Driver (sounded exotic and like it might include travel), Millionaire (that must have been where I got the idea), Singer, Locksmith (?), Blacksmith (??), Salesman (???), Shopkeeper, Fisherman, Statistician (a disbarred one, inevitably), Veterinarian, Zymologist (still have no idea what that is but I like things that start with ‘Z’ because they are always last), and Yak Trainer. Yak Trainer is the only thing on that whole list that I could probably pull off.

Explore posts in the same categories: adopted family relations, Adoptee control Issues, Feeling isolated, I don't know shit

One Comment on “Yak Trainer/Stock Photographyical Artist/Basket Case”

  1. caramelgalore Says:

    I think I would have been Piglet.

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