How I am

I am an adopted person. In this blog I call myself Caramel because yesterday a friend said I was so sweet and I said, “yes, but for the meltdowns” and she laughed and said “but if you were always that sweet you’d be boring and I guess melted sugar makes you caramel”.

Last year I found my biological mother. I never had an issue with being adopted and I never wondered why. I just assumed my mother was a 16 year old girl and did the best she could for me. That all changed decades later when, after losing my family, I decided to look her up. I didn’t expect to find her and I wasn’t prepared for it.

Being adopted is not necessarily good or bad (for me), it just is. It is different from being a biological child. I am not saying it is better or worse and I have no regrets about how I grew up and who I grew up to be. I just assume everything works out the way that it should. I believe in fate, absolutely and for better or worse. I have made the greatest strides in my life when I have stopped trying to do things that become insurmountable and have subsequently taken a place in the passenger seat of my life and just enjoyed the ride, while giving directions and making observations. I let fate drive.

But just as I don’t know what it feels like to be a biological child, it holds true that my friends don’t know what it feels like to be adopted. It’s always there along with your hair color and height. Finding your biological mother is just different and complicated, as is being adopted. Very complicated indeed.

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