Posted tagged ‘Hazy memories of adoption neediness’

The littlest words

December 2, 2008

ist2_6198764-smiling-young-woman-talking-on-phoneI was on the phone with my birth mother this morning and she was telling me quite a few things; random things, anecdotes, this is one of the many ways in which we are alike. I am an anecdotalist and this is one of two blogs. As a child I wrote letters to aunts all over the country and they would always write back and praise my funny and engaging letters and they always asked for more. I wanted to please. This was the one way that I could. I wrote all the time.

I am a good listener. I rarely interrupt. I won’t try to barge in or force my way into a conversation and so if someone is commanding the floor I just listen. And if listening doesn’t work, I daydream. I am an advanced daydreamer. Sometimes my daydreams choke me up, as I am achieving some epic goal or some such daydreamy nonsense. I daydream best in my car with 80s disco music playing really loud. Car trips are therapeutic and healing. I need that a lot lately, for this journey has been far more overwhelming that I might ever have anticipated. I opened Pandora’s Box with this search. I am keenly aware of that. There is no going back without hurting peoples’ feelings and I try really hard to never hurt anyone’s feelings. I spend a lot of time trying to see myself and situations and my actions from other peoples’ eyes. I held off doing this search for 4 years after I first had the inclination because (more…)